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The Newsmakers' Gift Guide

 
Don't know what to get Jean Quan, Barry Bonds or this year's other headline makers? We've got you covered.

Don't know what to get that pepper-spraying cop, failed mayoral candidate or other newsmaker in your life? Never fear — our gift guide will help you find just the right thing for that special newsworthy friend.

Quan Gift Art

 

Jean Quan

Get the Oakland mayor “Apocalypse Survival Guide” ($15 at Barnes and Noble), because when it comes to her term in office, the end may be near.

Bonds Gift Art

 

Barry Bonds

For the Home-Run King, get the Wii game Mario Super Sluggers ($19 at Target) to play while he’s on house arrest for obstruction of justice in his years-old steroid case.

Adachi Gift Art

 

Jeff Adachi

Buy the San Francisco public defender a bridge-building kit ($96 at Frey Scientific), because the pension-reform crusader and failed mayoral candidate has burned all of his.

Camping Gift Art

 

Harold Camping

Get the doomsday prophet a pocket calculator ($7 at Sears). His apocalyptic predictions have suffered from a few mathematical errors.

Cancel Gift Art

 

Luis Cancel

Tickets to “Shrek the Musical” ($66.25 on Ticketmaster). But this time, the disgraced former head of the San Francisco Arts Commission won’t be able to charge the city overtime for the hours he spends at the theater.

Chiu Gift Art

David Chiu

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” ($15.25 on Amazon). After playing his friends, making new friends, and getting played by them (sez Aaron Peskin), the Board of Supervisors president and failed mayoral candidate could use a little help.

Daly Gift Art

 

Chris Daly

Get the politician-turned-barkeep who famously uttered "It's on, like Donkey Kong" during a Board of Supervisors meeting — what else? A Donkey Kong Nintendo game ($19 at JJ Games).

Batts Gift Art

 

Anthony Batts

For the former Oakland police chief, a Hawaiian shirt ($29 at Sears) to wear while not thinking about Oakland’s dysfunctional politics and shrinking police department.

Occupiers Gift Art

 

Occupiers

For all your friends who have been living in tents, buy a 72-bar case of Ivory soap ($69). If members of the 99 percent are going to shower, they’ll probably want to do it with soap that is 99.44 percent pure.

Pak Gift Art

 

Rose Pak

For the influential Chinatown consultant who helped elevate San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee to power, a crown ($15). She practically runs this city, so why not make it official?

Ting Gift Art

 

Phil Ting

Give the San Francisco assessor-recorder a gift certificate for $383 to cover the tasting menu plus wine at The French Laundry. That's how much each vote he received in the recent mayoral election cost taxpayers in public financing.

Chu Gift Art

 

Steven Chu

Give the energy secretary who approved Solyndra’s $535 million loan guarantee a DIY solar panel kit ($1,165), so he can experiment with new technologies without putting millions of taxpayer dollars on the line.

Twitter Gift Art

 

Twitter

Give the fast-growing tech company a whole lot of rat traps ($4 each on Amazon). They’ll come in handy at its new Market Street digs.

Yee Gift Art

 

 

Leland Yee

Get the state senator a bowl of shark fin soup ($60) before the ban he opposed kicks in on Jan. 1.

49ers Gift Art

 

 

The 49ers

Buy the team a glow-in-the-dark football ($20 on NiteliteSports.com) for when the lights go out.

Troll Gift Art

 

Bay Bridge Troll

Get this beloved iron sculpture a folding pet home ($26 on Amazon). It will need a new place to live when the eastern span of the Bay Bridge is replaced.

Pike Gift Art

 

Lt. John Pike

Buy a new wedding ring for the UC Davis cop who pepper-sprayed seated protesters in the face. ($492 at Zales). Creditors seized Pike’s ring, along with his pickup truck, barbecue grill and several handguns, after he became insolvent in the 2008 financial crisis.

Discuss & Contribute

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