Most matches on dating apps die without ever leading to a date. You start with “hey,” ask each other how you are, and the conversation dies within 24 hours. It happens constantly, and honestly, it’s not always due to a lack of chemistry.
Your first message on platforms like Hily dating app sets the tone for everything that follows. Get it right, and you might get an actual meetup, rather than just another unanswered chat sitting in your inbox.
Here’s how to write first messages that actually move things forward:
Lead With Something From Their Profile
Generic openers get generic responses, or none at all. Skip “you’re cute” and reference something specific from their profile. Did they mention hiking? Ask about a favorite trail. Do they have a travel photo? Ask about the trip.
“I saw you’ve been to Lisbon. Did you do the tram tour or just wander around the city?”
That one question shows you actually read their profile, you’re genuinely curious about them, and you’re handing them something easy to respond to. It works almost every time.
Use Playful, Low-Pressure Questions
You don’t always need something deep or meaningful right away. A lighthearted question works just as well, sometimes better.
“Okay, I need to know, pineapple on pizza: yes or absolute no?”
It invites a reply without any pressure. The goal of your first message isn’t to impress anyone. It’s simply to start a natural back-and-forth.
Try the Two Truths, One Lie Opener
This one works surprisingly often. Share two true things about yourself and one lie, then ask them to guess which is the lie.
“Two truths and a lie: I once got lost in an airport for four hours, I can make pasta from scratch, and I’ve never watched a single Marvel film. Which one’s fake?”
It’s interactive, a little fun, and by the time they reply, you’re already mid-conversation without it feeling forced.
Keep Your Message Short
Modern dating statistics show that most people decide within seconds whether a message is worth responding to. Avoid unnecessarily long paragraphs, as that might signal that you tend to make conversations about yourself. Keep your opener to two or three sentences, ask one clear question, and leave room for them to jump in comfortably.
Actually Ask Them Out
This is where most people stall. Good conversations drag on for weeks and lead nowhere because nobody takes the next step.
Once the conversations are going well and you have had video calls to confirm their identity, don’t hesitate to ask them on a date. You should also ensure you ask in a way that puts concrete plans in place.
For instance, saying “I’d love to keep this conversation going over coffee. Are you free sometime this week?” is better than “We should meet up sometime.” Even if they can’t make the time you suggested, they will be prompted to suggest another time that works for them.
A good first message starts the conversation, and a good conversation builds familiarity. And familiarity is what actually gets you off the app and onto a real date.
