Most of the San Francisco Police Department’s 10 district captains send out e-mailed newsletters to their communities. And this week, Captain Greg Suhr in Bayview got a little creative. 

If you’re wondering about a burglar’s perspective, read the list below. If you’re offended by facetiousness, well...tough luck. Is that really going to stop you from paying attention? Excerpt from Suhr's newsletter below: 

Ten Things a Burglar Won’t Tell You:

1. Of course I look familiar. I was here last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste…. And taste mean there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming systems they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up in the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer on your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.

5. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don’t let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it’s set. A good security company alarms the windows over the sink and the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom--and your jewelry.

6. It’s raining. You’re fumbling with your umbrella, and you forgot to lock your door. But understand this: I don’t take the day off because of bad weather.

7. I always knock first. If you answer, I’ll ask for directions or offer to clean your gutters. If you don’t answer, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.

8. Do you really think I won’t look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, the medicine cabinet and the freezer.

9. Here are some helpful hints: I almost never go into kids’ room, I hate loud dogs and nosey neighbors, and most importantly: A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system.

10. Avoid announcing your vacation plans on your Facebook page. It is easier than you think to look up your address on the internet.